Right now I am, seriously, no joking, no horsing around, waiting for my water to break. And I believe a lot of pregnant ladies at their 39 weeks will understand exactly what I mean.
I started my maternity leave early, mainly to rest and avoid creating a drama at office when my water breaks. I admit some of the times I felt bored at home, but on the other hand, I am happily enjoy the peace and using almost every ounce of my energy tidying the house (though it seems I have only left with two ounces of energy in my 39-week pregnant body now).
I sleep a lot, do some simple house work, watch some drama, read and prepare the activities I want to do with my baby, etc. And it seems like these are everything I can do. No more energy for anything else.
Although my EDD is next Saturday, I am always expecting the baby to arrive a bit earlier. I know the older generation (my mother in law, mother and others) keep ensuring me that the first baby will never be early, but ALL my friends and colleagues who shared their journeys with me, told that their firsts were early. A handful of them were even as early as 3 weeks.
I won’t deny that I have been visualising myself in multiple situations which I can be in when my water breaks. I really wish I will be calm and have some time for shower instead of turning into a helpless preggie on the public train when it happens.
That’s why I am avoiding long traveling on train alone now.
And I am nervous. I don’t know how it’s going to be like, how exactly painful it’s going to be, how my dearest baby will look like. I felt helpless, really, when there’s more ‘i don’t know’ than ‘I know’. And it definitely does not calm my nerves when even the best and most expensive gynae cannot give you an accurate date when your baby is due, naturally.
I now can see why some ladies had to suffer pre- and post-natal depression. Everything is an unknown First time… family and relatives are persuading you not to shower during your confinement month (when the weather is humid and hot and, I hope it’s not just me, pregnancy makes the face and the hair more oily)… weight gain becomes uncontrollable and weight loss seems impossible… aches come from places where you did not know exist previously… A restful night becomes an unreachable dream… getting yourself out of bed to drain your bladder becomes a painful challenge… scrubbing your legs during shower is now an uphill task… water retention is so bad I cannot clench my fists and causes my tendons to be slightly sore.
I think I had it bad. Poor me.
But, I know there are many other mothers who had experienced worse.
So, before I continue, kudos to all mothers who went and are currently going through pregnancy for their babies. Frankly, not everyone is cut out to do this.
However, above all, I hope baby Taylor will be a good boy and both him and I will experience something magical within the next one week.